||[Mar. 8th, 2011|04:32 pm]
Yes, it has been a long time since I wrote. I've had trouble writing anything solid for years now. It's kinda a long story but since I'm writing now, why let length scare me?
It all started cause of emotional problems I was dealing with the Fall of that year. I was lost and alone. Oh yes, I had friends who could see me from time to time but I found myself very hollow inside. I had survived a terrible experience and realized that I was still breathing. There were no visible wounds from the war I went through yet a part of me had not been left unscathed. I know I'm being vague but part of me just wants to move on from all that. It wasn't just the break up mind you. I didn't feel like I belonged anywhere and that I was just a burden to others. I still struggle with doubts like that but they have improved.
For starters, I'm getting married. Yes, drop the bomb right of the bat. I woman I love and I met but divine guidance over two years ago. We were at a bar to hear a religious talk sponsered by the college and local churches. I knew right away that I loved her by the way we shook hands. She has such a beautiful, expressive face that a simple smile can tell me volumes. That and I knew she liked me too by the simple fact that she wouldn't let go of my hand right away when we shook.
We dated for two years till we finally decided this last Feb. It's going to be alot of work to get ready this Nov. when we tie the knot. I think it'll be worth it though. I love her and would ask God to switch our places whenever she'd suffer to take her burden.
I've been up to everything and nothing at the same time. My writing juices are starting to pump again. I can't describe it but to those who write, I think they know this burning which I speak of. It starts in the mind and moves either in a flash or steady down throughout till it stops at your fingers and you get this urge to just explode through words, written or verbal, and share this thing inside you with others. Trouble for me is that most of the time this happens I'm working. Work is probably the current main reason I don't write. I'm a bread baker. Been doing it for over two years now. I'm at the same place but now I bake bread. It's a great experience. I've had some ups and downs there but I love what I do.
I go to a website from time to time called thatguywiththeglasses.com. It's a great site full of web entertainers that do reviews, flashes from the past, and other neat things ranging from music to games to movies and even comic books. I have a few favorites but truthfully everyone from that website seems pretty cool. They have links to other cool people's websites too which I enjoy as well. If you get a chance, check it out.
There was a anime convention here last Memorial Day weekend. It was called Gale-kon. It was my first con ever and I loved every minute of it. It was small and not everything went as planned but I still had fun. They're going to be doing it again this year around the same time I believe. I'll definetly be there. I wonder who else is coming? Will I see old faces from last con? Who will the new guests be? There is one group, particularly one person in that group, who'd I love to meet. I'll be secretive about it because I'm kinda embarrassed about my fandom. Remember, we are all people. Cosplayers, actors, entertainers, bakers, gamers, otakus, even lawyers all are ordinary people when you get down to it. That's why me having fandom over someone is embarrassing and a little creepy to me. I don't think I could tell anyone if I was a fan because of how I feel and how it might make them feel, especially in person. Ah, enough of this. Hey, if any are interested, don't be a stranger. It'd be great to have more the merrier there. If interested, check out last years con on youtube (type in Gale-kon). I like that some of the videos have a sweet message at the end about enjoying the event and that we're close now. I just...can't help but smile and get happy about that. I don't think they were refering to me though. The thought's nice though.
Anyway, it's Ash Wed. and that means Lent is here. I have to say that part of the reason I picked up LJ again was I made it my Lenten promise. I got out of the habit of writing for personal reasons. I'm picking it up again because it's probably healthy that I do and it's time to move on from the past that kept me down for so long. I can't even remember the stuff I wrote up till now. IIt's just been so long. If you are knew to my journal, welcome, and please don't be afraid. This is a fresh start. I hope that after Lent is over, I can keep writing, in this LJ and other places. If no one is reading this, that's fine, I'm rady for that. I think this is what I should be doing. No more hiding, no more sulking, no more being quiet. I have so many things that I've picked up over the years that I want to share. I have innumerable amounts of trading cards, games, movies, books, and so on that I could be my own Giles from Buffy. For example, I have 8 gaming systems all with a considerable library. That's how much stuff I've been up to. I want to be able to share all of these things and more with others. I realize now what I knew so long ago, "Life is meant to be shared with others, not by yourself.". I would like to do that, share, with those I care about. So now I start with this long expositional entry in an account that many thought dead. I don't do facebook or anything else save for one. I have a youtube account. It's under the screen name fianagram1. I haven't made any videos but I've favorited a bunch. They're just things that struck something in me that reflects parts of me. I now know my song that reflects me. There's a video with it in my favorites section. See if you can figure it out.
I'll stop for now. I will return, promise.
- conquer your demon
break down your barricade
- Shin Megami Tensei's "Devil Survivor"